I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
