Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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