too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
