Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
