I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wanna go halves on a baby?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
