i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
