I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
