Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
