I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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