Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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