I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
