I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
