Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
