it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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