Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
tell me about the eggs
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