Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
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fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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