We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
