so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
