I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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