People in love make me want to vomit
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
