Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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