i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No subtext here. People are naked.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
