The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
