i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She said her name was "party"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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