Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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