Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
