somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Everything about him screamed your future.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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