dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
