I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
