New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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