his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
