dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
