He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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