The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
