his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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