Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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