ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
