I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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