Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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