I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Semen is not good for contacts.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
