I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
