I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
