you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
