You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
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If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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