he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
