i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This baby is an asshole
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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