I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
