I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
