I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
