I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
