I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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