I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
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Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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