I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
