...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The ass gains better be worth it
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