onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Drunk is a universal language darling
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