you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
