i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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