i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
