We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
