My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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