My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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