i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
