at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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