Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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