so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
