Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
