Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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