Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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