its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
