He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
