I seem to have left my pride at pride
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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