rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
