They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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