I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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