I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
