No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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