you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
