All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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