my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
