Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
