If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
