do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
