No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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