Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
