You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
40s are totally the cure
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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