i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
