It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
