Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
