dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
