He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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