jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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