Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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