I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
