she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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