I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
